Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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