just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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