I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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