Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
