Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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