but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
