His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
