my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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