I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
