I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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