This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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