...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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