I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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