i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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