I want to have your abortion
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry my hands just texted you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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