I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
