drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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