I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
