I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
