my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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