so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn