i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm determined to sit on that face.