This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up