are you so shy because you have an std?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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