Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
