Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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