So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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