Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
