i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
