he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
