I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
