Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize