Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
