She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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