I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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