When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
