I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
