Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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