youre lurking in front of me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
