He felt like a one man threesome
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
there is puke in my bra ... again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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