my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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