you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
