I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Vodka?
Forever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
