Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
