I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
