He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
