I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
