for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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