my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
