She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
