Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
