i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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