I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
