at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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