I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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