I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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