How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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