i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
