i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
