Acid is not a monday night drug
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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