I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
3 2 1 whiskey
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
