dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
