the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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