I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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